first christmas

staying up for santa.

merry merry!

we hope your holiday was just as meaningful.
xoxo

darkness isn't forever

hip! hip! today is the shortest day of the year. not that I'm really excited about that (but someone in this house is). I'm excited that tomorrow the day is just a teensy bit longer. that day after day after day we get more and more light until we're actually just swimming in it. ah, how I look forward to long summer nights. and warmth. I'm just sayin'.

so today I'm going to celebrate a return to the light. have a fabulous solstice everyone.

a-deal-a-day, now for babies

man, those one deal a day sites really feed on your impulse buying instincts, no? first it was steapandcheap, for that sick addiction of cheap gear. now it's babyhalfoff, for that sick addiction of cheap baby stuff. so what was today's deal? thirsties all-in-one cloth diapers. guess who found out about it too late? anna jo. blast!


and I was really excited about scoring one of these at such a sweet price. I really love the thirsties covers over my prefolds and fitted diapers, so I was interested to see how their AIO held up. {for all you cloth diapering newbies, an all-in-one has the water-proof cover plus the absorbant layers all sewn together, so you just throw the whole thing on easy peasy. it's kinda like a disposable, but you wash it instead of throwing it away. and it's cuter.} there is so much out there in the cloth diapering world and I just want to try it all! I think you could say I have a slight obsession with cloth.

big little man

last night we went to a holiday party for pete's extended family. there was a tiny, sweet little newborn babe there. only ten days old. so, so cute and so little. it's so hard to believe little miles pj was once that small too. and that was only three months ago. he never seemed so tiny and fragile for very long. he's solid. {and now weighing in at 14.4 pounds per the bathroom scale!}

it's so fun to watch him grow. he's learning new tricks. he's such a cute, smart, happy and growing little man.

[/end mamma gushing]

but baby it's cold outside

bundling up
for an outdoor adventure
someone isn't having as much fun
as the other

{post script: the bear suit no
longer fits the bear cub. sad.}

no impact man on the big screen!

I'm excited that the university of utah's social work department's green team is hosting the no impact man documentary on campus this coming monday. I've been following colin beavan, aka no impact man, for a while now and have always been fascinated by the whole project.

what I really loved about his adventure in lessening his impact is his realization that by consuming less he was actually a happier, healthier person. it's not about depriving yourself of everything, but simplifying and learning what you can really do with out. {he has a great bell curve graph HERE for those visual learners.}

so you should go watch the documentary too. it's free. and by the looks of it, there is a free raffle and free food as well. you had me at free food.

and if you're not a local, check this list to see if there is a screening near you.

{view the film's trailer HERE. it looks good, no?}

on a mission.

ugh. remember this shirt? how it's favorite but now it's too small? yeah. let's review why it's favorite again.

1. it has the fold over mitts. love love love the fold over mitts.
2. it's long sleeved. hello, it's december and it's cold. and it's even colder in my house.
3. it's not a onesie. I really like the fact that it's just a shirt. I like to layer here people, the plain onesie goes on underneath the cute shirt.
4. lastly, I love it because of the super cute ski lift patch. but that can be put on any shirt, so I don't know if that really technically counts for the purpose of my list.

so I was out and about spreading holiday cheer today (that means spending money, I guess) and tried finding a long sleeve white shirt with fold over mitts for my little guy. I went to BRU (I had a gift card, I don't think I'd normally shop there otherwise) and target (had some other holiday mischief at target anyway) and could not find what I wanted. for one thing, they were all onesies. and secondly, if I wanted long sleeves with the fold over mitts I could only get them in one of two sizes: newborn or 0-3 month (which isn't that practically the same thing anyway? come on!) I guess they figure people only want fold over mitts to protect faces from scratches, not for keeping hands a bit warmer.

so now I'm on a mission. to either find a shirt that meets my specifications in a 3-6 month size OR make my own.

I just might have to make my own, I fear. the ski lift patch needs a new home.

my foot!

is still dropped.

pete's prediction was better by thanksgiving. his new prediction is better by christmas. and hey, I know that christmas is true; I believe in christmas miracles.

and just so you all know, I once thought I had the back of an eighty year old woman but as it turns out I have the back of a healthy thirty year old. what a relief! I really was stressing over that. and the nerve damage isn't stemming from my lower back. again, what a relief! I'm convinced that it's from the pelvis--hello! childbirth!--but the spine guy says the next most likely place for this type of nerve damage is below the knee and that's where they would check next. (and then after that the next most likely place is the pelvis... which is where, I'm convinced, the damage happened.) but even if they check below the knee and my pelvis that won't affect my recovery time-frame.

so it's the same old story we've been hearing all along: wait it out. no one knows just how long that will take, though.

but the other day pete and I noticed movement in my toe. it's so subtle, so weak you can barely even see it, but it's there. I think. and I noticed a few days ago that the ligament (or tendon?) that runs across my ankle was responding. I think these are pretty big break throughs from a foot that was doing nothing at all for so long!

hello, december.

it's already here. december. I remember january, and that doesn't seem like so long ago. the new year, with new hopes and expectations. the fire crackers lit off in our front yard. oh, january, you are almost here again. time just tumbles forward, doesn't it?

now that thanksgiving has come and gone (goodbye dear, overlooked thanksgiving. you will be missed. until next year...) we are fully into the holiday season. it is a fun time, no? what with the lights, and the warmth, and the love of family and friends.

so let's embrace december before we slip into january again. let's slow it down. simplify it.

it usually rushes by too fast. there's too many commitments. too many things to do, things to buy. I don't want to feel like that this year. I want to create a cozy space for experiencing one's first holiday season. there will be lights. there will be warmth. there will be the love of family and friends.

thankful

am thankful for family
for health
for life

this year has been quite a doozy. looking out at the start of the year I would have never imagined what 2009 would bring. the happy news of a little one growing inside of me. the not so happy news that my husband had been hit by a car while riding his bike to work, leaving him with a broken neck + back. a very uneventful pregnancy ending in a long, hard labor, that left extensive nerve damage in its wake. who would have thought both pete and I would have had to go to the same spine clinic in the same year? like I said, it's been a doozy.

but it's been a great year. pete is still here with me. little miles pj entered the scene. we've been through a lot, but I think we've learned a lot. we've felt so much love and concern for our small little family. we are happy + healthy + recovering. we truly are blessed.

will meme for bikes (and craft stuff)

okay, I'm not usually into the whole meme'ing thing. BUT I think this bike would be pretty rad to cruise around on {what can I say, I'm a bike whore. I would have fifty bikes if I could.} and not to mention all that crafty stuff they're throwing into the giveaway. so universe, or random number generator, or whatever, pick me!

okay, let's get down to business. . .

Mama's Holiday Wish List Meme
TodaysMama and Provo Craft are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I'm sharing this meme with you.

1. what five items are on your holiday wish list this year?
*a non-dropped foot
**Sew Liberated: 20 Stylish Projects for the Modern Sewist, Meg McElwee
***a rotary cutter + mat
****a happy, healthy family
*****world peace

2. what is your favorite handmade gift you have received?
does little miles pj count? best handmade thing ever!

3. what handmade gift have you always wanted to tackle?
I want to knit peter a beannie or a sweater, but that just seems too hard.

4. what was the best christmas gift you received as a child?
most memorable was the rollerblades, circa 1989. man I wanted those things so much. oh how I loved rollerblading around the neighborhood. or the bar in our kitchen.

5. what items are on your kid's wishlist this year?
my kid is thinking of the reason for the season and isn't fooled by all this consumerism crap! and he'll only be three months old so he doesn't even know about getting stuff yet.

6. what is your favorite holiday food?
I just love that the holidays are so food centered. I love it all. I love eating it in large quantities. I love that we all gather around it and feast upon it as families and loved ones.

7. what will you be hand crafting for the holidays?
probably lots of exciting, secret things that I can't tell you.

8. what is your favorite holiday movie?
oh man, who doesn't love a christmas story marathon on tbs? you'll shoot your eye out, all night long on a continual loop. so festive.

9. favorite holiday song?
sufjan stevens has a fun holiday album that I absolutely adore.

10. favorite holiday pastime?
leisurely hanging out on christmas morning, after all the presents have been opened, and just being together and playing with all the new toys. or falling asleep to whatever new movie we got.

spreading the holiday cheer... I tag each and every one of you. {and if you don't do it within 17 minutes of reading this or tag at least 8 friends you will have very bad luck and you will never find true love.} happy holidays!

favorite just became more favorite

I love this shirt. mostly because it has the fold over mitts {because honestly, who doesn't want fold over mitts on their shirt?!} but also because we stole it from the hospital and it reminds me of his tiny days.

I love the shirt even more now that I added the ski lift patch {stolen from peter's shirt}. too bad now that I've finally sewed the thing on he's getting too big for it. at least there's an easy fix; but where do I get a bigger shirt with fold over mitts?

for the locals: wanted {one man's trash is another man's diaper}

{recycled t-shirt diaper via}

am making my own cloth diapers (fitteds, if you were wondering) and would love some supplies that might be cluttering up your house right now! so go check and get back to me. would love to take them off your hands.

flannel :: any old sheets, shirts, receiving blankets, et cetera
towels :: they can be old and raggedy, it doesn't much matter
wool sweaters :: at least 80% wool, the softer the better (like merino or cashmere work nicely)
tee-shirts :: looking for cool old tee's with fun logos or prints

help me make something new and lovely out of something old and no longer needed. my son's cute bum will thank you.

what's cuter than a little baby bear cub?

my little baby bear cub

another post about my foot? seriously?

this is fast becoming anna jo's foot drop blog, I apologize for that. I should be posting cute photos of the sweet babe and talking incessantly about how he is so smart and so advanced for his age. (he really is, I swear.) but since I'm not even sure where the camera is, and even if I did I probably wouldn't be taking pictures anyway because I suck like that, I'm going to talk about my foot. {and maybe the pj-man, too.}

so I really am trying to have a good perspective about things. I'm trying to be patient. the whole thing with nerve damage is that it just takes a long time to heal. and nobody really knows how long it will take. it's hard sometimes, though, and I sort of break down. pete's been really good about helping me see beyond the moment, that this won't last forever and I just need to get in there and do my PT exercises because that's what I can control right now. and he let's me cry and complain about the pain. I'm sure he's sick of hearing about it.

but I have been going to physical therapy and have seen some very small progress. like I said, it is very small but it gives me hope. when I mentally try and lift my toes up some muscles in my leg respond. and also, my foot is uber hyper sensitive lately. I mean, it always was but now it is even more. anything that touches it, even the sheet on my bed, will make it hurt. but guess what? in this case pain equals good. as I'm getting some of that pressure off the nerves, my foot is going to start hurting more. should I be excited about more pain? yes, in this case I'll totally take it. oh and thirdly, I got my AFO brace last week which makes me walk normally. the only problem is that it hurts terribly to wear shoes (just think of having a jammed toe that you can do nothing about since you can't wiggle your toes to adjust). and the best news of all, my PT said today that if she had to guess (and mind you there is no way of accurately predicting anything with nerve damage) this would take 3 to 4 months to heal up. a lot better than the 6(+) months I've been thinking. it's already been 1.5 months. but again, who knows. it really could take more like 6 months. could take a year. but let's all hope and pray for 3 to 4 months. preferably 3.

so now that you have had the low down on my foot, what's going on with the pj you may be wondering? well, right now he is sleeping on my lap. and he's pretty much the cutest thing around. he's actually looking at things now and is able to track stuff as you move it across his line of sight. and he's smiling more. and he's got a wicked bad receding hairline going on. and did I mention he's the cutest thing around? totally love this kid.

perspective

. . .sometimes that mountain you've
been climbing is just a grain of sand. . .

my lil' sis posted this on her facebook the other day and it really struck me. just a grain of sand. maybe it should be my mantra when I feel like things are too much for me to handle. because lately things have been hard. this whole foot drop thing is taking me to the edge on a daily basis, it seems. but I must remember in the grand scheme of things this is just a grain of sand. it could be a lot bigger. a lot worse. it could be a mountain.

and anyway, if there is one thing I've learned in my life, and must remember now, is that for every mountain there is a miracle and I am stronger than I know.

this is my miracle.

pedals4pete

{pedals4pete.blogspot.com}

"Without a doubt, many of you reading this will be able to think of a way in which Pete has changed your life for the better. As a group of Pete's close friends, we know that he has affected our life many times with his kindness and generosity. So, to give back to Pete, we are trying to raise money to help obtain a new bike for Pete and to alleviate some of the financial hardship that came into Pete's life due to this unfortunate accident."
--the pedals4pete website

I am blown away with kindness right now. absolutely blown away. I always knew we had great friends, but this is unreal. thank you everyone who was a part of the pedals 4 pete campaign. the funds you donated will definitely be put to good use and couldn't have come at a more needed time. we can't even begin to tell you how grateful we are. how your secret generosity has blessed our family.

so once again, thank you.

the foot drop

it hasn't gotten better.
set up an MRI appointment.
will be going to physical therapy.

wish I could walk normally.
wish it wouldn't hurt all the time.

wondering if my pain is worth
two hundred dollars.
would you pay that for relief?
or would you continue to just deal
because is it really two hundred dollars bad
anyway?

saved by the bell freeze frame

just wanted to share, because of its awesomeness:

me and my nine month pregnant self + the coolest kids in town jumping for joy

a long time coming: the miles peter story

hello, my name is miles peter

{but you can call me pj}

it's funny when you tell yourself something for a long time, you begin to believe it. I told myself that pj would come no earlier than his due date {today} if not after. I wanted to prepare myself mentally for that since it happens so commonly in first-time pregnancies. pete, apparently, believed otherwise and knew this kid was coming early.

when my water broke last thursday evening I was in a small state of panic. this couldn't be happening now. it was at least a week too early. all my projects weren't finished. mentally I wasn't ready. I hate to say it, but I was slightly freaking out. {and after months of preparing for a calm, gentle birth experience through hypnobirthing, this didn't seem like the right thing to be doing.}

since the midwife I talked to wasn't convinced it was my water that had broken, we waited it out until friday morning to finally go to the hospital. it was pretty apparent that baby wasn't just sitting on my bladder funny for 15 hours. I was not peeing my pants here.

since it had been so long since I had ruptured the midwife really wanted to get things started. pitocin was definitely not on my list of things I wanted during my birth: drugs to induce me, harder labor contractions, et cetera. not what I wanted. but after four hours of trying to get things going naturally and no real results, I was hooked up to the machine and they started the pitocin drip. which, by the way, meant continual monitoring for both me + baby. not what I wanted either.

I labored naturally for 20 hours on the pitocin. I had some serious back labor, meaning all my contractions were felt in my lower back, not uterus. it was hard, it was intense, and for all of you doubtful of the whole "no pain, just pressure" mantra so commonly used by hypnobirthing mammas I'm hear to tell you that it's true -- well, it's all in your perspective of pain. I will tell you one thing, without hypnobirthing there is no way I could have done it for so long without getting some sort of relief. I was having the calm and gentle birth I had envisioned, even if it wasn't the way I had envisioned it. I was strong. I felt empowered. I was a women doing what millions of other women had done before me: I was birthing my baby. it really is an amazing process. I encourage any woman who is considering going the natural route to look into hypnobirthing {don't let the hokey sounding name scare you off -- all it really is is teaching yourself to go in and out of a deep state of relaxation when you want to. of releasing the fear of childbirth and realizing the power of the body; it was made to birth and the baby's body was made to be birthed. really, you are working together.} because I am such a firm believer in it now. the breathing techniques and the affirmations are what helped me through. I can't say enough about it.

by early friday morning I was dilated to a 9. almost there. it could be any minute. a few hours later I was still only dilated to a 9. that's when the bomb was dropped on me: we will have to up the pitocin considerably and it might take 4 - 5 hours to get your body where it needs to be. during this time pj had apparently been sitting on some sort of nerve and my whole right leg hurt terribly and my right foot had started to go numb. there was no way I could keep this up after 20 hours under these conditions, especially with higher dosages of pitcocin running through me. I needed relief. I needed to rest. I chose to get an epidural.

and yes, the epidural was nice. I got to sleep. I was relieved of the intense back labor. I mean, after all, I still needed some strength left for pushing. after 20 hours, I was ok with the decision.

a few hours later I was finally dilated to a 10. okay, we can try pushing now. I'll tell you this, it was all a little anti-climactic. there we all were, after I had just taken a long nap, and I was told to push as everyone sat there looking at me. kind of awkward, really. but I started to do the whole pushing thing to bring little pj down the birth canal. which they let me do for five hours. five hours of pushing. they were strong enough to get him all the way down -- you could even see his head -- but then he wouldn't stay in that station, but slide back up. eventually they said something had to be done soon, so they tried the forceps. which didn't work either because even though I could push him down far enough, the docs couldn't get a good position on his head to make it safe enough to even attempt. last resort: c-section. again, the last thing that I wanted. ever. my birth was not going according to plan here. but I am ultimately ok with that: I feel that I did everything possible to get him here and he just wasn't cooperating. why wasn't he cooperating? well, his head was just in a funky position -- brow up, as they say. because of this it was hard to get my cervix to finish dilating and it was hard to get him through the birth canal. he was just stuck.

the c-section was the quick part in this whole process. they wheeled me in, cut me open, grabbed little pj, sewed me back up. pete got to watch the whole thing. at 11:56pm on saturday night, our sweet babe finally entered the world.

after he was out pete went over to look at him, he came rushing back to me and said he thinks it was a miles. it was so sweet. and so fitting; it took a lot to get this kid here.

I am now at home recovering after a full week spent in the hospital during this whole ordeal. I developed a little case of foot drop that will hopefully resolve itself on its own. otherwise I feel great under the circumstances. we have loved becoming our little family of three.

thank you one and all for your kind thoughts + actions. once again, we feel the love all around us.

miles peter | 8pounds 7ounces | 21 inches | 11:56 pm | saturday, september 19, 2009